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Who gets to sit in the “nut free” seat? November 7, 2007

Posted by Jeff in Drollery.
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I saw this chair in the cafeteria at Ruth’s school this morning.  If you can’t tell from the picture, it’s a solitary desk situated away from all of the other chairs in the cafeteria.  On its back is a sign that reads:


The obvious question for me was, “Who gets to sit here?”  I could think of no better place to turn than Google, which happily obliged me with a list of 700,000 things that evidently cannot use this seat. 

It turns out that none of the following will be able to use this seat:

  • Tom Cruise
  • The State of California (also not eligible for the “fruit-free” chair)
  • That Guy
  • All 2008 presidential canditates from both major parties

If I find out who is able to actually sit in the chair, I will pass it along.

Half as much as tomorrow October 1, 2007

Posted by Jeff in Drollery.
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Today at lunch, I heard “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday” on the radio.  It includes the following lyrics:

I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow

This, of course, was the inspiration for the following careful, mathematical analysis:

If I love you half as much as tomorrow, that means I’ll love you twice as much tomorrow as today.  Since this song is played every day, I can only assume that I’ll love you twice as much the day after tomorrow as I will love you tomorrow.  That’s four times as much as today, my friend.

The day after that, I will love you eight times as much as I love you today, and if we carry this out through the end of the month, you’ll find that I will love you 1,073,741,824 times as much as I do today. Given that I’m merely human and have but a finite capacity for love, I love you only about one billionth as much as I will love you by the end of the month.

Relatively speaking, this means I’m really not that fond of you right now.

Pledge to the Texas Flag September 7, 2007

Posted by Jeff in Drollery, Parenting.
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Not everyone knows the Pledge of Allegiance to the Texas Flag, so it is fortuitous that we now have a kindergartener learning it for the rest of us.  Here is what she recited for me tonight:

I pledge alleedance to thee, Texas, one nation over God, one and invisible.

The tipping point of irony July 9, 2007

Posted by Jeff in Drollery.
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We were listening to some (great) live music at Janie’s Table in Gruene this weekend when I noticed something ironic in my view of the stage:


Do you see it?  I thought there was something a little ironic in the positioning of the musician’s gratuity bucket:


Welfare Country Club July 9, 2007

Posted by Jeff in Drollery, Politics.
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On our fourth of July getaway, we unknowingly reserved a cabin that was mere minutes away from an establishment that I previously knew to exist only figuratively.

 I can guarantee this photo will surface on this blog again.